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Often, kids learn that mistakes are bad from an early age- learn how to discipline children in a positive way instead

photo taken by Sigurd Decroos

Are you wondering how to discipline your kids? Do you come from a family that has always focused on constructive criticism? Negative reinforcement often causes children to close up and stop trying for fear of failure. Most parents are not sure how to discipline a child when he makes mistakes. So don’t worry. You are not alone. Often parents choose to punish kids for their mistakes rather than take a more positive approach on how to discipline.

Sometimes when constructive criticism is used too much it can backfire. Kids today are growing up in a competitive world. From competitive sports to competition over test scores, our children are facing it from every angle, and with competition there is always criticism. Unfortunately, many parents over-correct their children by using constructive criticism every time they error. Parents may do this because constructive criticism is the only way they know how to discipline children. Because of this many kids learn that mistakes are bad and they no longer want to try for fear of making a mistake. So if we can’t be over critical when children make mistakes, then we have to learn how to discipline kids another way, through positive reinforcement.

Particularly for young children, high levels of competition in school and sports can have a negative impact on their self-esteem and overall performance. Why? Because we all make mistakes and in a hyper-competitive environment we are told that mistakes are bad. We get constructive criticism. Our teacher, our coach, or our parent will call out our mistake, often times in front of other kids. This constructive criticism is meant to help our children. I have learned, however, that this is not how to discipline children effectively. Our parenting skills come from how our parents disciplined us when we were kids. Did your parents overwhelmingly use constructive criticism every time you made mistakes as a child? How did it feel to get constructive criticism for you? I think we can all agree that constructive criticism does not feel good when it comes from our boss or spouse. No one wants to hear about their mistakes. With this type of negative reinforcement, children are prone to disengage from difficult challenges (like succeeding academically) for fear of failure. I propose using an alternative to constructive criticism that will actually benefit children. I believe it is a better method of how to discipline children. …continue reading »